I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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