Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
