my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
