Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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