I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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