I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
