he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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