why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
