you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
