Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
