God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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