how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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