just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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