I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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