Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He better not be in your backpack
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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