I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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