So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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