was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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