there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize