So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
