Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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