the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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