Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
