my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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