my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
