Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize