Plan B is the new Plan A
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
