alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
