God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
