So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
