Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
