what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
