Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize