thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
