i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My liver just had a heart attack.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
