They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize