Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
