yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize