Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
