My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
