I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
