Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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