wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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