you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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