So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
