please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
