I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
