That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
