when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
