Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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