maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
