We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
