perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
