You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize