Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
