if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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