I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
