champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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