Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
