The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
420 ftw
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
