Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
