Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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