Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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