remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
