: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
