Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
