It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
