Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
