my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
