Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
