You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
