I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
