I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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