Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
