She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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