Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
