Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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