is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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