her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
