you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
