So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
