apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
