is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize