Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
