i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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