i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize