What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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