If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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