I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
