Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
