it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize