You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
