Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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