I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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