I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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