I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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