forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
